Are They the One? Scrupulosity, Relationship OCD, and Marriage
One of the most common combinations of symptoms I see is scrupulosity combined with something called relationship OCD.
What is relationship OCD? It is when obsessive-compulsive symptoms focus on intimate relationships. You may constantly wonder whether your partner is the right person, if they are truly committed to the relationship, or if they really care about you. These symptoms can seem even more intense when you feel pressure to know that your partner is “the one” and commit to marriage quickly. Especially when you know that the commitment of marriage is for the eternities.
Relationship OCD symptoms often appear in early adulthood, at exactly the time when many people are making their first major decisions about romantic relationships. They can be either relationship-focused or partner-focused. Someone with relationship-focused symptoms will be primarily concerned with the “rightness” of the relationship. In other words, is this the right person for me? On the other hand, people with partner-focused symptoms find themselves fixated on particular characteristics of their partner. Is her nose too big? Is he really committed to living the gospel? Does she have what it takes to be a good mother? Is he going to be reliable for the long haul?
Compulsive Behaviors in Relationship OCD
In both relationship and partner-focused relationship OCD, obsessive thoughts often lead to a variety of compulsive behaviors. These include constantly monitoring or checking your own feelings (“Do I really love him?”). Or, comparing your relationship to those you see either in real life or in the media, seeking reassurance from family or friends about the relationship, testing their partners to see if they are committed or worthy enough, and attempting to correct perceived deficiencies in their partner.
These compulsive behaviors are often more difficult to manage because people with relationship OCD also commonly have extreme beliefs about relationships that fuel their anxiety. For example, you might believe that, if you have even one small doubt about your relationship, that is a sign you’re not with the right person. You may believe that you have to be absolutely certain you are with the right person before you commit to marriage.
Treatment for relationship OCD is similar to the treatment for scrupulosity and other forms of OCD that involve primarily mental compulsions.
Psychoeducation about OCD and the OCD cycle can help you recognize and understand distorted thought patterns that are fueling your anxiety. Then, using exposure and response prevention (ERP), the gold standard treatment for OCD, you will use imaginal exposures to overcome the fears underlying your anxieties and learn to manage your obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors. Imaginal exposures, which most commonly involve creating scripts that explore the underlying fears fueling your obsessive thoughts, are extremely effective in situations where we cannot simulate whatever is triggering your anxiety in real life.
It is not surprising that people who have extreme anxieties about their relationship with God also often have huge amounts of anxiety about their most important earthly relationships. However, exposure and response prevention, combined with other therapeutic tools and support, is extremely effective in helping people learn to manage their anxiety and feel secure and confident in their most important relationships.
Start Working With an OCD Therapist in Provo, UT
You don’t have to struggle with obsessive thoughts about your relationship alone. At the Mountain Home Center for Religious and Moral OCD, I offer specialized treatment tailored to help you address anxiety and build stronger relationship bonds. As an OCD therapist, I am happy to offer support in Utah and additional states. Start your therapy journey by following these simple steps:
Reach out to schedule a free, 15-minute consultation.
Speak with a compassionate OCD therapist.
Break free from relationship ODC and cultivate stronger bonds!
Explore Comprehensive Therapy Services
At the Mountain Home Center for Religious and Moral OCD, I offer a variety of evidence-based treatments beyond relationship OCD to help you achieve mental well-being. My services include specialized care for various OCD themes, anxiety disorders, and religious challenges. Understanding the unique struggles faced by Latter-day Saints, I am dedicated to providing compassionate, tailored support. Whether you're dealing with scrupulosity, relationship OCD, or general anxiety, I am here to help you find peace and improve your quality of life. Explore all our services and start your journey to recovery from religious OCD by reaching out today. Together, we can work towards a life of balance, peace, and spiritual fulfillment.
